"Oh but that Sarah Vogt! She's just so.... Uhn.... " I said letting my eyes roll back in my head a little. I was lazing around the dorm room on those blonde wooden chairs they leave in the rooms, as if people are supposed to enjoy sitting on them. "she's not of this world" I said shaking my head whist full. "she's.... I dunno. Some kind of perfect. "
"I know... " Said Matthew.... Also shaking his head. "I know"
"She just breathes tone... It just pours out of her and spills around. Shes not even trying. " I mentioned. We had just seen her perform and Matthew Primm and I were just giddy with it. The performance had smoke and grandeur and guts. Hell. I don't even remember what she played now. I'm damn sure it wasn't Haydn... It could have been Krystler though. The performance sparkled like a broken mirror, and danced like dune grass in the sea breeze. We were both taken a bit back by it. Like that feeling that you get when you've seen a really good sci-fi flick. You know the bit where you fall into the story nose first, like someone pushed you off a dock at the lake from behind and you didn't expect it. Just like that. You walk out of the theater all squinty eyed and imagining the world in ways that it can not be; Your mind all drenched in falsehoods.
Matthew was a sort of lanky blonde guy with a prominent nose. He was studying to be a string teacher... He and I got along very well. I think it's because we both knew school was full of silly ninny heads and we would be out sooner or later. Matthew was different from me though. He meant it when he prayed I could tell, and honestly I did it because people expected me to.
"Aaaaand she IS gorgeous! Hello!! " I proposed. Eyes wide.
" I know, I know..." he said looking lost.
"Well why don't you ask her out or something.... Buy her some coffee? " I asked. If he was so wracked with lust...then I reasoned something must be done about it.
" Well, I ran into her in the hall in the music building the other day, and I tried to chat a little after the concert." He said. An obvious reach.
Sara was the kind of good looking that happens in Klimt paintings, and had that same sort of aesthetic. All scarves and floral prints in sand colors. Tapestries. She was hung about with mystery. She was elegant. In truth she was Matthew's undoing for most of the semester. And but who could blame him.
Bells rang in the hall and it was time for prayer group. I think that was the semester that Josh Roland was our group leader. Todays lesson was about confession...
R: "The word tells us that he who confesseth and forsaketh his sin will find forgiveness. You know I know we're not the closest room and all. I mean I feel like I know you guys pretty well. But there are for sure ways that we could build room unity."
(I'm sure at this point I was pretending to read something else that had caught my attention in the Word, and typically twirling my hair which was/ is my 'go too' stress relief ritual.)
R: "Josh you look like you're thinking about something...." He said with a silly doberman smile on his face...
I really hate when people say that. It makes me feel like all the other times when they're not looking they're sure Im not thinking at all.
ME: "Oh... I've just.... had a lot of spiritual growth in my life lately.... ya know big changes"
I... I really haven't been happy with the person that I am..."
Everyone looked at me. Like it was a surprise that I could feel anything other than sadness.
The truth was I had said that without preparing any follow up whatsoever. How very impetuous.
ME: "Yes.... uh. Big big... changes" I gestured and my eyes were wide.
Matthew: "Oh really? Medlin? Change?" He was on the edge of laughing I could tell.
R: "What made you think something needed to be different...?"
I took a deep breath. Whatever my recently acquitted besetting sin was it had to merit mentioning in prayer group.... What could it be though?! ... Lust? Porn? (Oh wait those are kind of related).... Stealing? Nah too complicated... Bulimia? Guff, that ended in high school...
R: "Josh?"
ME: "Ah! yes I said surprisedly... Im sorry I must have drifted off. Well I've decided that Im a Republican now..." I said earnestly.
Matthew was laughing outright. I was aching to but didn't even smile.
Roland looked around wryly...
R: "Any other dark secrets?... Anyone?"
I jabbed at Matthew
ME: "Christ rode into Jerusalem on a donkey Matthew... show a little respect."
