Discipline Committee. Discipline Committee is a group of a couple of elite students, Dean Staff, and Dorm Supervisors. They are all delusional. Ok.... maybe that's an overstatement. But just barely. They've been seduced, either by money or power or popularity to rise to the ruling class here at school. That or their families are being held captive by a neo-nazi underground resurgence movement. I haven't decided. I suppose it's a necessary evil. If the rules aren't enforced, then there's no reason for the rules anyways.
Discipline Committee office is located nearly in the center of campus on the ground floor of the Alumni building. If you have broken a rule, then you will be sent an email. The email will say something eloquent about how you are required to meet the august committee before a certain date.... or the charges against you will increase exponentially. The most common violations are for things like dress code violations, being up after 'lights out' or thinking about freedom. Oh there are other things you can get in trouble for too... hundreds of 'other things'.... but Discipline Committee.... (or as the general population refer to it... "DC") was a slick, more or less well lubricated machine designed to dole out punishment on a large scale. There are something like eight or ten hours per week that the office was opened. Most of those hours happened to fall precisely after Chapel. Those who had been called to explain themselves before the committee would race each other from the mandatory campus wide chapel to try and get to the front of the line at the door to DC office. This line would eventually stretch snake-like down the entire length of the building, obstructing the hallways from being used for anything remotely academic.
I had received one of these fateful emails... and managed to make it to the very center of this long long line of slate faced students waiting for their spankings. I honestly had no idea what I was guilty of, but was fully prepared to make up some wild story about being momentarily possessed of a devil, and thus un-able to take responsibility for my evil deeds. I was wedged between thug-life inspired handsome soccer player and two jane doe groupies.....
JDG: "I know! But then we were like texting later, and he told me that he still has feelings for me, but that he's worried that it just wasn't what God wanted for his life!" She complained, tossing her hair a little.
JDG2: "Whatever. That just means he's gay. Totally gay. I mean he'd have to be to not to be into you!.... You're like the prettiest girl I know!"
JDG: "I dunno. I've just been super bummed out about it. I was talking to my APC last night and she just said I needed to believe him. Like. If God is trying to tell him something, then I need to follow along with it.
I had stopped listening. I had flash cards. I did not have time for these mindless conversations about fluff. I had honestly come to believe that kids my age generally have their heads filled with pillow stuffing and sex hormones. And.... Ya know, that's absolutely correct. I decided at that moment that I would one day invent a scanner that could identify stupidity, and thus deny stupid people food and shelter. Darwin was soooooo right.
I was in the line for what seemed the better part of a decade. Before finally making my way into the smallish office. It looked something like the business area of a bank. The Committee sat down behind a tallish sort of counter and they each had computers to keep track of everyone's naughty points. I made it to the next open teller and said hello with a childlike smile.
ME: "Hi. I got some email about how I'm supposed to be here now."
TELLER: (A pert well dressed man who was clearly going to heaven based on the fact that his pin striped suit had zero wrinkles. He had bright black eyes and a pointed chin.) "What is your name?"
ME: "My name is Josh. What is your name?" I said smiling brightly.
TELLER: "Ah.... Im Nathan. What is your ID number?"
ME: "uh.... lemme see.... I can never ever remember this thing!" I started rummaging in my bag for my student ID card. I knew that it was in my wallet. But you know, if I had to wait an hour to get here... I was damn well going to enjoy it. After a moment I 'found' the card and recited the number without looking at the card.
TELLER: "Okay.... Mister Medlin. It says here that you were up after light bell?" Teller said this with the type of expression that you see on the faces of those people talking about starving children in Africa. Pained.
ME: "Oh? What says that?" Rainbow Bright interested expression.
TELLER: "Uh.... my computer says that."
ME: "Oh?.... who told your computer that?" I said... implying that it could only be a vicious rumor.
TELLER: (He was onto this routine.) "Mister Medlin..... this is not a meeting about how computers work, this is a meeting to discuss if you were in-fact up after light bell last Friday night. Apparently your hall leader took a look into your room, and saw that you still had your lamp on and were reading."
ME: "Well.... you know, honestly Nathan, since my beta fish died.... I've had a really hard time sleeping. His name was Oliver Cromwell, and he was always so happy to see me. It's been very hard without him." This seemed to have very little effect on Nathan. Nathan was not concerned with fictitious Oliver Cromwells.
TELLER: "Well. Mister Medlin, I understand that it can be hard to lose a pet.... But it's important to follow the rules. Have you considered how your having that lamp on might be an inconvenience to your room-mates?"
ME: "My room-mates?" I asked in a small voice cocking my head to the side. I reasoned that if Nathan was going to have to deal with the Jane Does behind me... he might as well be ready to deal with the mentally challenged.
TELLER: "Yes. You know, the rules in the Hand Book are there so we can live in harmony with our brothers and sisters in Christ, here at school."
Nathan could not have been fun to party with.
ME: "Oh.... Ya know... I guess that makes a sort of sense. I suppose I should be mindful that by leaving my lamp on... I could very well be escorting my room-mates to their own personal Golgotha." I said movingly.... "I feel ashamed of myself."
TELLER: "Ah.... well." (Glancing around... confused by my analogy.) "Ya know... this seems like it's your first offense of this sort. I think we could let you off this time. As long as you make an effort to comply."
ME: "Oh wow! That would be just so great!" I thought about high-fiving Nathan,... and then decided that it would be a bit more than called for. Besides.... my book sack was heavy and I was ready to end this little interview.
TELLER: "Ok. Well. Try to be more considerate next time Mister Medlin."
ME: "Thanks soooo much Nathan...." Big nurturing smile. "I will definitely do that."
Ya know.... maybe Nathan wasn't so bad after all. I sauntered out of that office with a certain sense of pride. I didn't know what the Jane Does were there for... but they most certainly would not be able to pull off something like that. And certainly not with such grace and style.
On my way to my next class I speculated about the cost of developing intelligence scanners... and which company I would sell my designs to. I would change the would. The human race would thank me.
